Album Review: Beck- Morning Phase

So, full disclosure, I really didn't want to write a review of Beck’s new album. Instead, I just wanted to fill this page with .GIFs of animals yawning. But I thought that would maybe be looked at as being unprofessional. And you know me—I am mister fucking professional.

Here’s the deal with Beck—I’ve tried. Really. I have. I've tried since day one with this guy. I was 10 when “Loser” was a big MTV hit, and I remember being home sick with bronchitis since I was such a sickly child, and the video was always fucking on. And since I was 10, I didn’t really care too much for it—I think I thought it was weird, and mildly annoying to listen to.

Then came Odelay, and the string of non-stop hits—“Where It’s At,” “Devil’s Haircut,” and “The New Pollution” were all, again, huge MTV staples in 1996 and 1997. And yeah, by the time “Devil’s Haircut” dropped as a single, I was like, “Okay, maybe I'll give this album a try.” And I bought it at Shopko with my hard earned allowance.

And maybe this is because I was like 13 at the time, or whatever, but I didn't much care for it either. I think I skipped around, listening to the singles released off of it, and not really identifying or showing any interest in the rest of it.

And that’s kind of where it ends for me and Beck—for a while, anyway. I had a friend in college who was really into his 2002 “break up” album Sea Change, which I think I tried to listen to, and failed to give pretty much any fucks about. Basically, the only thing I've liked in Beck’s entire canon over the course of the last 20 years is his cover of “Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometime,” from the soundtrack to Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind.

And that was a cover song.

The reason I wanted to forgo writing an actual “review” of the new Beck album, Morning Phase, and instead, just post a bunch of .GIFs of yawning animals (mostly rabbits, probably) is because this is THE MOST BORING ALBUM I HAVE EVER HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF LISTENING TO IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

Oh my god. Rarely do I get angry when listening to records to review for this, or other, blogs, but this was so maddeningly boring, I seriously want to scream.

Morning Phase is being billed as some kind of “sequel” to the aforementioned Sea Change. That record was apparently a big deal because it saw Beck ditching the weirdo act, and writing a bunch of really somber songs about heartbreak, using some baroque instrumentation throughout, but primarily, making a country and western-influenced set of songs.

And after a decade spent dabbling in this sound and that sound, and six years after his last record, Modern Guilt, Morning Phase is a return to that mostly-acoustic guitar driven, warm-sounding, country and western tinged style, produced very deliberately to sound like something you'd hear on the AM radio in the 1970s.

Hey, believe me, I have nothing against this style of music. But God, this record goes absolutely nowhere. Listening to Morning Phase is like trying to kill yourself by taking an entire bottle of sleeping pills, but then waking up covered in your own piss, only to realize you are still listening to Morning Phase.

Every song on this record sounds predictably and unfortunately the same. It’s all so samey, in fact, that Beck could have just recorded one song—let’s use, “Morning” as an example—named it something different, like, twelve different times, and made a whole record like that, and it could have fooled me. This may be the same song thirteen times. Who knows?

Actually, I'm kidding you guys. It would only be eleven times. There are two, minute-long, string pieces that are placed strategically on the record.

Morning Phase is the kind of music made for cool dads. Like if you fucked with Beck when you were in your 20s, and now you are a dad in your 40s, and you get so jazzed when the LL Bean or Eddie Bauer catalogs show up at your house, and you have a public radio membership, shop at Whole Foods, and still go to concerts occasionally, but it’s a big deal because you gotta find a sitter for your kids—like if you are that guy, then this record is for you.

Beck has made a record that tries to prove to an audience—presumably his audience—that he is an adult. An adult making adult records for other adults that listen to music for adults. I mean, look at how seriously he wants to be taken with this album’s cover. And hell, look at how seriously “adult” the cover for Modern Guilt was. Jesus. It just screams “sophisticated adult listen.”

Into his 40s now, Beck is no longer the slacker poster boy, singing “I’m a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?” over hip-hop beats. And yes, artists can grow, and grow up. By all accounts, I too, am an adult, and on occasion, I listen to music made for other adults—I’d say The National, or Neko Case, are both prime examples of my ability to enjoy something geared for people within my own age demographic.

But here’s the difference: The National make music that has heart, and Morning Phase shows me that Beck is making music that has, quite literally, no heart in it whatsoever. These songs, to me, are utterly meaningless. Like Beck could honestly be reading names from the phone book, while he strums the acoustic guitar, and I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. If you are able to find some kind of meaning though in this music, more power to you. I sure as shit cannot. 

If you are a sleepy animal, a cool dad, or like being bored to death, you'll be pleased as punch to hear that Morning Phase arrives on Tuesday via Capitol Records.