In response to the haters....

At some point throughout the lifespan of the Internet, somebody, somewhere, thought it would be a good idea for people to have the ability to leave comments on articles. This person, bless their heart, probably believed in the "good" in people.

The truth is that people are shitty. And that behind the anonymous mask of the Internet, you can pretty much say whatever you want. Even if it's something you would be too afraid to ever say to someone's face...they'll never see your face. You're just some letters on a screen.

I don't get too many comments to pieces on this blog. I think I got a negative one after I wrote a nasty review of that Daft Punk album. Mostly, people have commented on that Land of Talk piece I wrote in March. All of the comments have been from people who liked what I wrote, and were happy to see that someone was trying to draw attention to an incredible band that pretty much just dropped off the face of the earth two years ago. 

Most recently, the review of the Mark Kozelek and Desertshore LP sparked a lot of conversation. But it was all pretty high brow stuff. Nearly everyone who took the time to write something agreed with my take on the album - or at least they agreed that Kozelek is shitting all over his fans and that they deserve better.

This brings us to the curious case of Kiss Land, the new full length by R&B lothario The Weeknd. Kiss Land officially comes out tomorrow (Tuesday the 10th.) Like nearly EVERY album released in this Internet age that we live in, it leaked in advance of the street date. This is not an uncommon thing and everyone is pretty much used to it. Most "major" artists, in an effort to combat a leak, will put the album up for people to stream online. How this combats anything is beyond me. Album leaks, in general, probably don't hurt album sales. There is more than likely a LARGE majority of the population that has no idea how to download a leaked album.

(the weeknd, super sad that some a-hole from minnesota didn't like his album.)

Anyway, Kiss Land leaked, and so I started listening to it to write a review that I posted on Labor Day. Much to my surprise, I was flooded with comments. And none of them were nice.

After a few days of this, I decided to just shut the comment sections down completely. I'm entirely too old and too tired to deal with all the compulsive masturbators of the world, living in their parent's basement, writing self-censored posts on the Internet Movie Database message boards. So what? I didn't like this album. Who fucking cares? I'm not a real journalist. I've never claimed to be. There is really no such thing as "music journalism." It's all subjective. 

Pitchfork ran their "official" review of Kiss Land this morning. I usually don't much care for the writing of Ian Cohen, but I thought he did a really great job articulating the problems with this album, but doing it in a slightly more professional manner than I did. Well, because he works for a music news website that people think is holier than scripture. So "joke" reviews on P4K are a thing of the past. Me, on the other hand, I'm not above that kind of thing at all. For site that touted The Weeknd through 2011 and into 2012, they gave Kiss Land a paltry 6.2. 

So it got me wondering if Ian Cohen's mailbox was just besieged by fan mail from people pissed that he didn't like the album. Because that's certainly a good reason to get pissed at someone. "You didn't like the same album I like. SO FUCK YOU."

My review of Kiss Land has a ton of hits. Like the most hits this stupid blog will ever see. Well over 1000 at this point. Since I turned the comments off, I don't know how many other people that read it would have agreed with me, or would have felt the need to tell me I'm a terrible writer.

In college, I learned that it's okay not to like something. You just have to be smart enough to explain why. And in reading the feedback I received, I'd say you have to be even smarter to explain why you like something in the first place.

I thought I'd take a moment to share some of the incredibly well written comments I received w/r/t Kiss Land, as well as an appropriate response to them-

First, nice use of grammar and punctuation there. Secondly, try again with what? Try again writing the review? No. Usually when I write something and then hit "publish," I'm, like, usually finished with it. Or wait, do you mean try again listening to to the album? Why? Was I doing it wrong? Here, can you come here and show me how to listen to it the right way? Were my headphones in the wrong way? Did I not have it turned up high enough on my laptop? 

Also, why is my review "terrible." Please elaborate. Thanks for reading!

I didn't listen to the other lyrics huh? Which ones were those? The lyrics that aren't about drugs and depraved sex? The other lyrics that aren't rapey pick up lines? I don't think anyone could be more obsessed with the "things he repeats" than the man himself- Abel Tefsaye. 

How many more times is a "feew" more times? I'm not familiar with that measurement. Is that part of the metric system? Also, I should review my review? Well, I mean my original review isn't perfect. But it's only been a week. Should I reissue it? If I did, I'd TOTALLY give it "Best New Reissue," and maybe give it like at least an 8.7 out of 10.

Ears in my ass? No. I don't think so. I mean, that's physically impossible. I'm not expert at the human body or anything...but...anyway. I don't even understand this genre, huh? What genre is that? Deconstructed R&B? Abstract R&B? What would you call this music? And are you an expert in your field? I don't claim to be. But I think I have a pretty base level of...you know...music. 

I guess I should go back to my honky tonk music, but I don't really know what means. Is this because I reviewed a Neko Case album the week before? Well, my friend, you don't even understand her genre! Your comment was a waste of my fucking time. Fuck your comment! 

Oh shit. You were just reminded as to why you don't read blogspot reviews? Well what the fuck son? WHAT WERE YOU DOING EVEN READING THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE!??!? Horribly written, huh? How? Please explain? I mean you're entitled to your own opinion and I'm certain you are a god damn master of the English language. 

And ok there fella. Let's all wait until after the 10th for "more solid" reviews. I'm glad you are an expert at which reviews are going to be legit, and which ones are not. Thank you for bestowing us all with your incredible knowledge.